To forgive or not to forgive...

Well, how are things at your side of the screen?
Working on any of those goals...?

I was just thinking about obstacles the other day, after I had spoken to a lady I coach. There are lots of 'things' that can get in the way of reaching goals. One of those things is: 'unforgivennes' or 'holding grudges'. You may have many reasons why you are holding of forgiving a person and you may even find it totally justified, and you know what: from our human perspective, you might be totally right!

But, have you ever looked at it this way? "Forgiving is designed for the 'forgiv-er' not for the 'forgiv-en'" (It is starting to become a bit of a tongue twister) When you are resentful towards someone, who is actually suffering? When you hold grudges, does it change the other person or does it do something with you?
Forgivenness is designed for the person who needs to forgive. When you forgive (and don't get me wrong, forgive is not the same as forget, we will get to that at a later stage) you open your hands and your heart to release....yourself. In an act of selflessness you let go of a tightness in your heart and your spirit that affects your whole person. When you are resentful you are nurturing a (real or perceived) hurt, you are holding on to something that you own. You are now the owner of some hurt that once was given to you by somebody else. You are holding it in your hands, as it were, you might even be clutching it to yourself. Can you see it?

Can you see what it is doing to you? Your hands and heart are no longer open to receive, because they are full of hurt. You are missing out! You become disconnected, even ill... And what is it doing to the other person? Often, the other person is not even aware of the issue, but most of the time there will be a 'coldness' in the relationship, a distance and ALL of the time: it doesn't solve the problem!

Now, try this: open your hands and let go... After all you are now the owner, you have a choice of what to do with it, let it go. Forgive. Set free. Take a deep breath. And you know what, you will be surprised at what the other person might do. Your hands are empty now and free to receive, in a different way than you expected before. I see it in my own life. Everytime I am ready to forgive and release, there is a shift in the relationship, like a fresh wind blowing the clouds away and somehow... someway... it changes the other person too. For the better.


Let me know how you get on....

Warmly,
Mathilde