Moving...

This blog has moved to: http://www.smallbusinessfamilycoach.co.nz/
See you there!

Kindly,
Mathilde

Giving and Receiving Feedback - Do it well!

Ever given feedback that wasn't received well? Or maybe you would like to give someone some good feedback but you don't know how? 

It is worth to think things through before hand: 

• First of all think about what you want to achieve with your feedback, what do you want the outcome to be. Don't focus on what you don't want, focus on the result you DO want to see. 
• Give some thought to the kind of relationship you have with the person; is it your staff or your boss, a relative, a friend, a colleague. Is it appropriate for you to give feedback? How could your feedback come across coming from your position?
• Think about the person in question: is he or she quite sensitive or rather thick, how do you think this person might receive your feedback?
• Be clear. Say what you mean and mean what you say. No underlying messages.
• Expect a response. 

Now, it's time to facilitate the feedback session. 

• Plan a time and appropriate place. Make the other person comfortable and turn your phone off. You want optimum results. 
• Talk about a specific behaviour/skill/job performance, things that can be changed, don't focus on the person. In other words: separate the person from the behaviour. Provide the explicit evidence and the reasoning that led you to the conclusion  that a problem exists. 
• You stay in control of the conversation by focusing on the desired outcome  
• Don't forget to be still and LISTEN. There might be underlying issues or a misunderstanding. Listen actively and with an open mind. Listen to what isn't said, to body language. Paraphrase what the other person says. By restating the other person's response in different words, you show you are listening and you make sure you have understood well. 
• Make sure there is clarity on what the issue is.
• Agree on an action plan, make it achievable and measurable and be clear about how you are going to follow up.  
• DO follow up! Lack of follow up dips the morale! Acknowledge improvement with meaningful rewards. Meaningful doesn't (necessarily) mean $$ but it does mean intentional.

With this in mind, let's look at receiving feedback. It can be threatening to be on the receiving end, especially since in many cases it is given UN-expected. If this is the case then gently but firmly stop the feedback-giver and propose to make a time for it. Say something along the lines of: "I understand you are concerned with my behaviour/skills/performance, I am open to feedback. When is a good time to sit down and talk about it, I would like to fully concentrate on what you have to say." This gives you time to prepare yourself and it gives the other person also time to give it some more consideration and will take the sting out of the intention.

So, how do you prepare then?

• Ask for a time and place that you feel comfortable with. Consider the issue beforehand. What is your perspective? Gather data if you need to. Think about how you will respond. Decide what you want to learn.
• Go with an open mind. Listen carefully and try to understand the other person's point of view. Ask questions if things are unclear. Resist the urge to justify your behaviour.
• When it is your turn to respond, present your perspective clearly and rationally. Remember this is a dialogue, in productive feedback session both parties learn something. Your response will add information that the giver may not know and will add to the possibilities for change. You will come to a better understanding. Choose to view receiving feedback as positive, it will improve the relationship and clear the air. 
• This is an opportunity to learn and grow. Decide what you can learn from the feedback. Consider the validity of the feedback and requests for change. Consider the feedback giver's intention. What does he want from this session? Does this person have sufficient knowledge of the situation? What is your relationship to this person, how will that affect your response? Are you coming to an agreement or are there aspects you cannot agree on, is there an opening to agree to disagree? 
• It is important that you work with the feedback giver to develop an action plan for change, it has to become yours. You cannot commit to it if you don't feel you can achieve it.
• Ask for help or support in following through. Be sure to thank the other person, this will help you grow, it shows that the other person cares enough for your participation in the business and sees your potential. 

Your clear and rational approach will take the wind out of the sails of the perfectionist, or the 'driver', this puts everything into perspective and your willingness will soften his/her approach towards you. Try it out and watch what happens.

Well, let me know if this was helpful, I'd like to hear!

I have templates available for feedback sessions, for the facilitator as well as the receiver. Send me an email with 'templates for feedback' in the subject line and I'll send them to you.

Till later! 
Mathilde  
  

Feedback. Like it or not...

Have you ever been on the receiving end of poorly given feedback? The statement "The truth must be told" may have been added to it, or:"I just thought I'd tell you, it might help you." Did it help you? Or did it pull you down? 
My Webster's dictionary tells me that  feedback is "information about a product, service, etc returned to the supplier for evaluation." The word feed-back itself suggests too that it should at least give the receiver something to chew on. Preferably something nourishing, to stimulate growth. 


Feedback, what is it and what is it not?


Let's first DE-throne some of the myths about feedback.
Feedback is NOT...  

• ...an oppportunity for personal attack;
• ...a one-way monologue;
• ...representing the only point of view; 
• ...necessarily negative;
• ...a way to get even; 

Unfortunately feedback is often so poorly given, for the wrong reasons and in the wrong setting that it has become something that most people feel anxious about, however it is an integral part of growth. Most of us would agree that if we want to improve our service or product we need customer feedback. The same is true for personal development, if we want to grow we need feedback. 


The goal of feedback in our business, our organisation and in our family is to reinforce preferred behaviours or to change and improve unhelpful behaviours. 


Constructive feedback...

• reinforces or encourages an effective way of working;
• points out a more productive way of working;
• prepares for better performance;
• contributes to learning and development of the receiver;
• can improve and deepen relationships;
• shows you care;
• creates a culture that nurtures growth and openness;
• results in measurable achievements (it makes you think about it);
• increases your awareness of the impact of your own behaviour and actions on others (as a receiver). 

The list goes on, but I think you are starting to understand why feedback is so important. Just chew on this for a bit, let it curve your point of view to a more positive approach. We'll talk more on how to give it and how to receive it next time.


Let me close with a quote: 

"In my experience, employee development depends on feedback; it provides the guideposts for growth, motivation, and, ultimately, morale. Without constructive one-on-one communication and feedback, many employees are left feeling ineffectual, frustrated, or disaffected." - Peter Baskette, manager 

I'd like to hear from you! 


Mathilde

Resource used in support: Giving Feedback, Expert Solutions to Everyday Challenges. Pocket Mentor Series, Harvard Business School Press 

Thinking big!

Since you are going to go about your day thinking anyway, you may as well "think big". Anyone can think small, and most people do. In fact, most people keep themselves in the same place in life, doing the exact same thing, without significant growth or change because of limited or conditioned thinking.

I once heard it said that the definition of insanity is: thinking and doing the same thing over and over again yet expecting different results.

Why not use this time of the financial year to review your thinking



Don't just think about what is possible, think about what might seem nearly impossible, that would require you to grow and move beyond who you currently know yourself to be. Think about what you have always wanted to do or have in your life ... those things that your heart speaks of.


"If you can dream it, you can do it." ~Walt Disney


Thinking big equals going big. Thinking small means staying small. You decide. You are the owner of your thoughts. Try giving big thought and energy to the direction of your business and who you are as the business owner.


Be outrageous and let your imagination fly. This does not mean thinking unrealistic, you are not suddenly able to perform superhuman feats. It means allowing yourself to stretch and believe in your dreams.

Brainstorm. Mindmap. Write it down. Think about how you can make it work. If you have someone who believes in you, share it. Talking about it will help you organise your thoughts. Come on, have go at it!

Let me know if you need some help.

Good to see you again!

Mathilde

Gift...!

There are times when you know -without a doubt- you have been placed on this earth for a reason. If you've ever wandered around aimlessly contemplating your purpose and not finding a satisfactory answer... chances are your 'calling' has now made itself loud and clear.


You are a business owner, a mum, a dad, an employer, a spouse. This is your gift. You're not just thinking about it. You're not just playing at it. You're not just preparing to do it one day in the future. You ARE 'IT' and there are people in desperate need of your skills, availability and services.

The question to ask yourself is, 'Am I doing them a disservice by NOT showing up in their lives?'

If you're dealing with worthiness questions, join the club. We all have either been there or we visit there from time to time. It's normal. This means you're taking your work seriously and recognize the awesome responsibility associated with changing lives for the better.

Refuse to allow yourself the luxury of thinking you're not ready for that next client who appears to be 'out of your league' or that relationship that's not the way it should be. Refuse to listen to that voice in your head telling you, 'maybe someday when things are better, when I'm better prepared, when I have more experience, when the timing is right, when I know exactly what to say.'

You HAVE been placed on this earth for a reason, you are not an accident, you are a GIFT ready to be given. Embrace it, thank God for it and step into it!

Let me know how you go!
Mathilde

Tired or Passionate...

It is not unusual to feel overloaded and burnt out around this time of the year. Do you find yourself snapping at the people around you? Or find yourself staring at the wall? Just generally tired and overwhelmed with all that still needs to be done. That well deserved holiday is just around the corner, it won't be long at all, but hang in there... There's a few more weeks of work to be done.

Take a moment to recharge

• Remind yourself what it is that you love about your product or service...
• Tell the story of why you became and entrepreneur...
• Read some inspirational books, magazines or blogs, or listen to the cd of that amazing seminar you went to...
• Dream a little about where you want your business to be in 5 or 6 years from now, even if it seems unrealistic...
• Start a little brainstorm about some new ideas you want to implement in your business next year...
• Show personal interest in the people around you, especially your staff (who feel the pressure also) and your customers. Your interest will inspire them in return and you might be surprised at the effect of that! (You might also get some great ideas for  christmas surprises)

Before long you will find that passion rekindled and the effect of will bring you success!

Let's close off with a quote from the founder of MacDonalds, Ray Kroc:

"If you work just for the money, you'll never make it, but if you love what you're doing, and always put the customer first, success will be yours!"

Mathilde

To forgive or not to forgive...

Well, how are things at your side of the screen?
Working on any of those goals...?

I was just thinking about obstacles the other day, after I had spoken to a lady I coach. There are lots of 'things' that can get in the way of reaching goals. One of those things is: 'unforgivennes' or 'holding grudges'. You may have many reasons why you are holding of forgiving a person and you may even find it totally justified, and you know what: from our human perspective, you might be totally right!

But, have you ever looked at it this way? "Forgiving is designed for the 'forgiv-er' not for the 'forgiv-en'" (It is starting to become a bit of a tongue twister) When you are resentful towards someone, who is actually suffering? When you hold grudges, does it change the other person or does it do something with you?
Forgivenness is designed for the person who needs to forgive. When you forgive (and don't get me wrong, forgive is not the same as forget, we will get to that at a later stage) you open your hands and your heart to release....yourself. In an act of selflessness you let go of a tightness in your heart and your spirit that affects your whole person. When you are resentful you are nurturing a (real or perceived) hurt, you are holding on to something that you own. You are now the owner of some hurt that once was given to you by somebody else. You are holding it in your hands, as it were, you might even be clutching it to yourself. Can you see it?

Can you see what it is doing to you? Your hands and heart are no longer open to receive, because they are full of hurt. You are missing out! You become disconnected, even ill... And what is it doing to the other person? Often, the other person is not even aware of the issue, but most of the time there will be a 'coldness' in the relationship, a distance and ALL of the time: it doesn't solve the problem!

Now, try this: open your hands and let go... After all you are now the owner, you have a choice of what to do with it, let it go. Forgive. Set free. Take a deep breath. And you know what, you will be surprised at what the other person might do. Your hands are empty now and free to receive, in a different way than you expected before. I see it in my own life. Everytime I am ready to forgive and release, there is a shift in the relationship, like a fresh wind blowing the clouds away and somehow... someway... it changes the other person too. For the better.


Let me know how you get on....

Warmly,
Mathilde